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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 13:53:57 GMT
I'm honored you used the title, thanks! I'm going out soon, but I'll have to read this later.
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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 19:24:44 GMT
Just finished the first chapter! I'll review here, since you have the thread for it.
Sounds like a solid start! The pacing was a little quick, but everyone seemed in character, so it didn't bother me much.
I do see Ash and Dawn having a spat eventually; even in DP, they were a little volatile, at first. But, they do have something in their favor; they didn't have the awful introduction Ash and Misty had, so there's less reason for them to give each other a hard time. I like that it changed Ash's behavior, and made him only somewhat obnoxious towards Dawn.
Liked seeing the high five, too!
Also I'm glad you took my suggestion to have Pikachu take longer to befriend! Really leaves some suspense and makes me wonder how that issue is going to be handled. A contrast between Ash's other Pokémon obeying and Pikachu not could lead to a bit of juicy conflict before things are resolved.
I enjoyed this! Looking forward to whatever comes next.
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Post by Nesh on Sept 10, 2017 20:10:26 GMT
When it comes to Pikachu I'm basically using Charizard's arc, so it's going to take something big to win him over. I've actually had areader complain that I kept Ash in character for this point in his journey. I almost feel like I should have put a disclaimer saying I don't hate the guy.
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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 21:49:11 GMT
Sounds like a plan! God, yeah, that's relatable. You wouldn't believe how much crap I've gotten for him not doing exactly what a competitive player would typically do lol. I saw the reviews; how are people expecting Ash to be a solid serious trainer at this point in the story? He's just starting.
People are harsh. But that doesn't reflect your writing quality.
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Post by Nesh on Sept 10, 2017 21:55:42 GMT
It doesn't bother me, I find them funny. My favorite is proably the one complaing about Ash getting a Burmy, I couldn't help but think that they'd forgotten the first Pokémon he caught in the show was a Caterpie.
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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 22:01:01 GMT
In all honesty, they probably have lol. I wonder how he'll use it in battle.
Well, glad you have the patience for it, I ran out of it a while ago.
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Post by Nesh on Sept 10, 2017 22:05:15 GMT
It was the Charizard thing that got to you wasn't it? I understand, that kind of review is frustrating. Honestly, I'm not sure how Ash will beat Roark at the moment, but there are bigger issues I need to sort out... namely what to do about Mewtwo.
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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 22:16:09 GMT
Yeah, I think that was the worst because so many people got on us about it. Even now, someone finds a weird reason to complain about what Ash does, even when he's one of the most formidable trainers in the story lol. You should see what we got recently.
Anyway, good question. Ash might have to get his ass beat by Roark before he finds a way to win. What about Mewtwo?
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Post by Nesh on Sept 10, 2017 22:20:14 GMT
Well the Mewtwo problem is simple: He was kind of going to wipe out humanity until Ash's actions changed him and Ash is in Sinnoh... I suppose I could just contrive a situation where Ash and Dawn get the invite and go to New Island... I'm probably just going to have Gary fill in for Ash in the Orange Islands.
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Post by chosenone151 on Sept 10, 2017 22:24:38 GMT
Oh yeah, that's true.... Well, that could always happen during a different timeframe, since you've already changed this much. But I suppose if Ash gets his name out, even by winning some small event, maybe he could get an invite, idk.
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