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Post by chosenone151 on Oct 4, 2017 15:21:01 GMT
I just read the second chapter; sorry for the wait!
I enjoyed it. Ash and Dawn's battle was a good example of beginners learning together! I like that, while Ash is still a novice, you didn't push the show's angle of how bad Ash was at first. You've got a point; if he watches battles on tv, he shouldn't be completely oblivious. His challenges should come from having to face more difficult battles than he's prepared for, from gym leaders and the like.
On top of that, this fic really puts the spotlight on how Ash's journey would be if he wasn't being antagonized and criticized all the time. Traveling with Dawn, they do argue, but their introduction didn't make him defensive with her, so they're getting along at least relatively well.
I liked Ash and Dawn learning their first dose of being unconventional in battle! It looks like they'll learn a lot together. It's cute that Burmy's affectionate with Ash, too!
I still wonder how Ash'll win Pikachu over!
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Post by Nesh on Oct 4, 2017 16:13:43 GMT
I'm of two minds on the Pikachu thing. Either the first Team Galactic encounter or wait until Mewtwo.
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Post by chosenone151 on Oct 4, 2017 16:38:27 GMT
I guess it depends on how far off those are. I wouldn't do it right away, but I wouldn't wait until the end of the story, either. But I'm sure you have a better grasp of the sequence than I do.
Also, a little tip, you might want to avoid adding so much exposition to every action/thought, sometimes it's unnecessary and distracts from what's happening in the moment.
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Post by chosenone151 on Oct 4, 2017 16:49:49 GMT
Also, I saw your most recent review from Nick; their review was great and definitely worth taking to heart!
I wasn't sure whether to bring it up, but I agree with them on the "ladies first" business; that doesn't strike me as something characteristic of Dawn.
But all of the positives are true, too!
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Post by Nesh on Oct 7, 2017 15:48:18 GMT
I'm thinking about following the game plot more than the anime plot.
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Post by chosenone151 on Oct 7, 2017 15:50:55 GMT
Oh, really? In what way?
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Post by Nesh on Oct 7, 2017 19:45:45 GMT
Mainly the Team Galactic stuff, I just feel like the game did it better.
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Sinnoh Trainer
Posts: 880
OTP: Pokeshipping
Shipping Allegiance: Pearlshipping
Badass Punchline: Hello fellow pearlshippers!!!!
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Post by Nafsika on Oct 7, 2017 20:20:36 GMT
Ok but TG will shown up much later in your story!!! What's your plans in the mean time???
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Post by chosenone151 on Oct 7, 2017 21:00:18 GMT
Really? I felt like the anime handled it excellently. But yeah, I'm curious too.
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Post by Nesh on Nov 6, 2017 18:27:22 GMT
So I'm planning ahead and I need opimions on something. I kniw the first three regions the story will cover: Sinnoh, Kanto, and Johto in that order. The trouble comes after that. I can't decide on Hoenn or Kalos.
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